Sunday, August 22, 2010

Farewell, Dear Freedom!

I'd just like to write a quick post comemorating my last few hours of freedom before school starts at 7:25 tomorrow morning. In approximately eleven hours.
So... goodbye freedom! I will miss you! (Imagine me waving wistfully out the window as you read this.)
Remember how I started this blog at the beginning of the summer, going on about how ACTs and SATs and finals and whatever else were behind me? Well, guess what starts now? Yep, that's right. College apps.
uyhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
I'm sorry, that was just my head landing on my keyboard.
Gaaaahhhhhhh.

Friday, August 20, 2010

A Revelation About the Wicked Witch of the West

I have come to an important, earth-shattering conclusion that will most certainly change the way you look at life. Are you ready for this? I swear it's impressive. I don't know if you can handle it. Well, here goes: The Wicked Witch of the West was made of salt.
How did I figure this out? Well. I'm glad you asked.
It's nearly ninety degrees out (not Celcius, as that would be ridiculous and I would be dead), and as I was sitting here, considering the tedious text that I have to read for my economics class, I began to wonder whether I was melting. After some consideration, I decided that I am not, in fact melting. But, as we all know, the Wicked Witch of the West melted and it didn't look like she was in any ninety-degree weather. I am a human, and I have not melted. Therefore, it stands to reason that she was not human.
(Don't you just love my logic?)
So... what was she? Well, let's consider how she melted. A little girl came along, threw some water at her, and that was that. So she must have been water-soluble, meaning that she was made of sugar, coffee powder, or salt (don't point out to me that there are gazillions of other water-soluble substances - I don't want to hear it!). She can't have been made of sugar, because sugar is sweet and then all of her hungry flying monkeys would have eaten her. She wasn't made of coffee powder either, for similar reasons - it seems like the flying monkeys were awake 24 hours a day, every day, so much coffee must've been involved. A witch made of coffee powder would never have survived. But salt - you can't just eat salt (that would be disgusting, thanks), and it would entirely make sense for a person made of salt to fall into bits when a random little musically-inclined girl came along and threw water at her.
Which only leads me to wonder - if she was so evil and hated, why did no one else ever think to throw water at her? And did she never take showers? And did it never rain in Oz, or did she just stay indoors all day? And if it was so unclear that she would melt when she came into contact with water, then what in the world did Dorothy hope to achieve by dumping an entire bucket of it on her?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

And They're Off!

The cross country (xc for us cool people) season started yesterday at 12:00 a.m. No, I am not joking. We strange but interesting people of the LFHS cross country team gathered at the athletic campus Sunday evening so that we could go for a nice little run at midnight. And then we had practice again at 8:00 a.m. We had practice again this morning. And tomorrow is a time trial, which can be translated as Two-Miles-Of-Death. Yes, only two miles - but two nasty miles. I loathe races and time trials with the passion of someone who deeply loathes something (unfortunately, my ability to come up with good metaphors has gone on a last-minute vacation, and won't return until an unspecified date).
And what have we learned during these first two days of my last-ever high school season of cross country? We have learned, basically, that there are evil little blood-thirsty mosquitoes absolutely everywhere, and that the current most effective incentive to run is to tell oneself repeatedly that running faster will result in less mosquito bites. Which is not to say that I don't come home from practice looking like a sheet of bubble wrap anyways, but whatever.
But other than that, it's pretty nice to be back. It looks like I'm really going to make it through four seasons of cross country, like I decided way back during freshman year (which reminds me, unrelately, that my little brother is a freshman this year. Muahahahaha...).

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

Because I am the world's twenty-third most talented procrastinator (who should be doing her AP econ/AP Spanish/AP bio summer assignments instead of writing her second blog post in one day), and because I'm sure you're terribly jealous of my procrastinating abilities, I have kindly decided to write you a basic guide to putting off any and all important work so that you, too, may become an expert procrastinator. Next time you find yourself being strangely productive, just come back to this guide and remind yourself what you can do to keep yourself from your work.

So, without any further ado: Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!
  1. Stare blankly at work after having read two sentences.
  2. Stare out window, if available. Watch a squirrel run in frantic circles around a tree.
  3. Decide that you are hungry.
  4. Get up and go on a search for food. Shuffle through the pantry/refrigerator before drawing the conclusion that there is nothing edible within a seven-mile radius of your workspace.
  5. Go back to the computer. Reread the same two sentences from Step 1.
  6. Check emails. Write unnecessarily long responses.
  7. Text someone who is also likely to be bored.
  8. Draw pictures of squirrels running around trees. Include speech or thought bubbles.
  9. Draw pictures of squirrels with wings and beaver teeth.
  10. Wander. Stop in front of the laundry machine and contemplate what would happen if you were to sit inside of it while it was running.
  11. Decide that you are thirsty.
  12. Find cold water and drink it overdramatically, as if you've spent days stranded in the desert.
  13. Pause because Step 12 gave you a brain freeze.
  14. Sing.
  15. Surf distracting websites - YouTube, Facebook, whatever. You know the ones.
  16. Sigh regretfully at the work that you have been ignoring for the last fifty-odd years.
  17. Repeat the process.

You're welcome.

A Brief and Aimless Overview

Helloooooo world! Remember me? No? Gosh darn. Make my life complicated, would you? I guess I have to re-introduce myself then. Sigh. So - my name is Johanna, I am neither five nor eighty-two years old, I am wearing a plaid shirt, and I don't speak French, Urdu, or English. There. You know everything there is to know about me. Happy now?
I came back from Europe about a week ago, which is my lame excuse for not having written since the beginning of July. While I was there, I went to Greece (where it was hot and sunny) and Germany (where it was cold and rainy).
A quick overview of the last month and a half: Greek food is delicious; Greek roads/drivers are insane; people will give you funny looks if you go to a festival and then stand in the corner pantomiming different types of sports; there's nothing like soccer and trampoline-jumping in the rain; the S-Bahn is better then the Metra; and if you jump to try to touch the ceiling, then not only will you fail but you will also injure your toe.
Oh, and the airport in Charlotte is all kinds of evil. Or at least, the Lufthansa counter is.