A Revelation About the Wicked Witch of the West

I have come to an important, earth-shattering conclusion that will most certainly change the way you look at life. Are you ready for this? I swear it's impressive. I don't know if you can handle it. Well, here goes: The Wicked Witch of the West was made of salt.

How did I figure this out? Well. I'm glad you asked.

It's nearly ninety degrees out (not Celcius, as that would be ridiculous and I would be dead), and as I was sitting here, considering the tedious text that I have to read for my economics class, I began to wonder whether I was melting. After some consideration, I decided that I am not, in fact melting. But, as we all know, the Wicked Witch of the West melted and it didn't look like she was in any ninety-degree weather. I am a human, and I have not melted. Therefore, it stands to reason that she was not human.

(Don't you just love my logic?)

So... what was she? Well, let's consider how she melted. A little girl came along, threw some water at her, and that was that. So she must have been water-soluble, meaning that she was made of sugar, coffee powder, or salt (don't point out to me that there are gazillions of other water-soluble substances - I don't want to hear it!). She can't have been made of sugar, because sugar is sweet and then all of her hungry flying monkeys would have eaten her. She wasn't made of coffee powder either, for similar reasons - it seems like the flying monkeys were awake 24 hours a day, every day, so much coffee must've been involved. A witch made of coffee powder would never have survived. But salt - you can't just eat salt (that would be disgusting, thanks), and it would entirely make sense for a person made of salt to fall into bits when a random little musically-inclined girl came along and threw water at her.

Which only leads me to wonder - if she was so evil and hated, why did no one else ever think to throw water at her? And did she never take showers? And did it never rain in Oz, or did she just stay indoors all day? And if it was so unclear that she would melt when she came into contact with water, then what in the world did Dorothy hope to achieve by dumping an entire bucket of it on her?

A Shout-Out to Swimming Pools

I have decided that swimming pools are genius inventions. They're a bit weird (''Let's dig a hole, fill it with water, and then flounder about in it!''), but genius.

Think about it. You're walking home from school, work, or whatever, and it's so hot out that you can feel your toes slowly melting inside your shoes. When you get home, you can either a) jump in the pool, or b) lie around on the floor of your house, hoping that you might catch a slight breeze if you're closer to the ground. What do you do? You jump in the pool, of course! Healthier than ice cream, more effective than the floor-lying method.

Unless you're hydrophobic, of course, in which case I feel for ya.

And that is why the swimming pool is a genius invention. It's a source of excercise that allows you to stay in the summer sun without melting (that's assuming that the heating system hasn't gone insane and you're not swimming in fifty thousand degree water to cool off).

And if you really want to get the most use out of a swimming pool, you can let it freeze over in winter and use it to ice skate and/or as a storage space for your frozen foods. Although this is not, in my opinion, recommended.