Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

Because I am the world's twenty-third most talented procrastinator (who should be doing her AP econ/AP Spanish/AP bio summer assignments instead of writing her second blog post in one day), and because I'm sure you're terribly jealous of my procrastinating abilities, I have kindly decided to write you a basic guide to putting off any and all important work so that you, too, may become an expert procrastinator. Next time you find yourself being strangely productive, just come back to this guide and remind yourself what you can do to keep yourself from your work.

So, without any further ado: Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

1. Stare blankly at work after having read two sentences.
2. Stare out window, if available. Watch a squirrel run in frantic circles around a tree.
3. Decide that you are hungry.
4. Get up and go on a search for food. Shuffle through the pantry/refrigerator before drawing the conclusion that there is nothing edible within a seven-mile radius of your workspace.
5. Go back to the computer. Reread the same two sentences from Step 1.
6. Check emails. Write unnecessarily long responses.
7. Text someone who is also likely to be bored.
8. Draw pictures of squirrels running around trees. Include speech or thought bubbles.
9. Draw pictures of squirrels with wings and beaver teeth.
10. Wander. Stop in front of the laundry machine and contemplate what would happen if you were to sit inside of it while it was running.
11. Decide that you are thirsty.
12. Find cold water and drink it overdramatically, as if you've spent days stranded in the desert.
13. Pause because Step 12 gave you a brain freeze.
14. Sing.
15. Surf distracting websites - YouTube, Facebook, whatever. You know the ones.
16. Sigh regretfully at the work that you have been ignoring for the last fifty-odd years.
17. Repeat the process.

You're welcome.