Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

Because I am the world's twenty-third most talented procrastinator (who should be doing her AP econ/AP Spanish/AP bio summer assignments instead of writing her second blog post in one day), and because I'm sure you're terribly jealous of my procrastinating abilities, I have kindly decided to write you a basic guide to putting off any and all important work so that you, too, may become an expert procrastinator. Next time you find yourself being strangely productive, just come back to this guide and remind yourself what you can do to keep yourself from your work.

So, without any further ado: Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

1. Stare blankly at work after having read two sentences.
2. Stare out window, if available. Watch a squirrel run in frantic circles around a tree.
3. Decide that you are hungry.
4. Get up and go on a search for food. Shuffle through the pantry/refrigerator before drawing the conclusion that there is nothing edible within a seven-mile radius of your workspace.
5. Go back to the computer. Reread the same two sentences from Step 1.
6. Check emails. Write unnecessarily long responses.
7. Text someone who is also likely to be bored.
8. Draw pictures of squirrels running around trees. Include speech or thought bubbles.
9. Draw pictures of squirrels with wings and beaver teeth.
10. Wander. Stop in front of the laundry machine and contemplate what would happen if you were to sit inside of it while it was running.
11. Decide that you are thirsty.
12. Find cold water and drink it overdramatically, as if you've spent days stranded in the desert.
13. Pause because Step 12 gave you a brain freeze.
14. Sing.
15. Surf distracting websites - YouTube, Facebook, whatever. You know the ones.
16. Sigh regretfully at the work that you have been ignoring for the last fifty-odd years.
17. Repeat the process.

You're welcome.

Caramel

Apparently we're all out of dulce de leche ice cream, which, in case you were wondering, is an extremely delicious sort of vanilla ice cream with caramel swirled into it. Having run out of it is deeply unfortunate.

Oh well. I'll survive until we go to the grocery store and buy some more of it. Hopefully. But in the mean time, I'll occupy myself by discussing caramel desserts.

First and foremost is creme brulee (which looks kind of lame without all of the fancy French accent marks, but what can you do?). I was lucky enough to try some on a trip to France, in what was quite possibly the best restaurant I've ever visited (so on a side note, if you ever happen to be in a small village in the Alsace called Saint Hippolyte - there's a bigger town with the same name, but I'm talking about the small village - please visit the restaurant that is also called Le Saint Hippolyte. It will be entirely worth your while). For dessert, I had the creme brulee. That's a picture of it over there. They served it on a slate serving platter, which was quite cute. Also, no one there spoke a word of English, which made it quite an interesting experience. But that's beside the point. Anyways, that creme brulee was possibly the best thing I've ever eaten. It was sooo good. Sigh.

Flan is my other caramel dessert of amazingness. Also known as creme caramel. My mother can make delicious flan, smooth and creamy and caramel-y and... sigh, again. There's also this little Mexican restaurant not far from here that serves amazing flan.

By the way, did you know that if you type "caramel" into Google, the first suggestion that comes up is "caramelized onions?" What the heck is a caramelized onion?

Sandwiches

I was hungry, so I went on a mission to discover the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. After the use of much butter and various sorts of cheese, I seem to have been successful, although it required the consumption of not one but two enormous sandwiches. And by sandwiches I mean calories with bread.

I am now no longer hungry.

You know, it wasn't so much a grilled cheese sandwich as a fried bread sandwich. "Grilled cheese" implies that I went outside and plunked some cheese on the grill. This was not the case. Instead, I stayed inside and plunked some bread in a pan with butter. I would suggest renaming the sandwich in question a "fried bread with melted cheese sandwich," but, let's face it, grilled cheese sounds much better and takes about a millionth as long to say.

Yesterday I had a pretty interesting sandwich for lunch, too. It was a yogurt and tuna on cinammon bread sandwich, courtesy of a good friend of mine. Before you go throw up, let me reassure you that it was actually pretty good. And it attracted her cats.