Things on my desk

I have two options right now: 1) do my calculus homework, since it's still slightly too early to go to bed and I'm not doing anything productive whatsoever, including writing the essays for the college apps that are due in two weeks, or 2) waste time, which seems nice right now but will cause me all sorts of unneccessary stress, hard work, and loss of sleep in the future. Being the smart and well-organized person that I am, I will opt for choice number two.

So, without further ado, here is a list of some of the items on my terminally messy desk, just because I feel like writing one:

-A comic book. In French. Which is, may I add, I language that I don't speak.

-Some flowers that I was given at my cross country senior night

-An eraser that has the words "Don't Panic" written all over it, designed for particularly troublesome tests

-Italian mints in a fancy Italian tin labeled "Casa Fondata Leone nel 1857." Another language I don't speak.

-Pre-wrap. Blue. Lifesaving in many athletic situations.

-A blue pencil case with multicolored sheep printed all over it

-My wallet, which contains $14, some old receipts, my license, a debit card, an ATM card, and several assorted gift cards (most of which are probably expired or void of money)

-A thick novel in Spanish. Aha! A language I speak! ...Sort of.

-An unlabeled CD

-Another unlabeled CD

-A ticket to Rumors at my high school's theater. It was fantastic, by the way.

-My dad's library card

-My friend's old (Product)red iPod, which has a picture of Holger Badstuber stuck to the back

-Paintbrushes in a glass jar

-An alarm clock, which has to be kept away from my bed so that I'm forced to get up when it rings

-A yellow insect-repelling "Super Band" that was given to me by the same friend who gave me the iPod and the French comic book. She wanted to know if it works and figured that I, being a mosquito magnet, would be the prime candidate to test it out. I've yet to do so.

-Stacks of books and papers threatening to tumble down onto my head. Duck.

Musings of a Cotton-Stuffed Brain

The Google Health definition for the common cold: "The common cold generally involves a runny nose, nasal congestion, and sneezing. You may also have a sore throat, cough, headache, or other symptoms. Over 200 viruses can cause a cold."
My definition for the common cold: "All of the above, plus you will be unable to focus on your homework and will write lame blog posts instead, and your head will feel like it's stuffed full of cotton."
Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Hmm... I wonder if this means that I have over two hundred viruses (and don't point out that just because over two hundred viruses can cause a cold doesn't mean that I have them all - I don't want to hear your legalistic commentaries!). I picture an intense virus vs. white blood cell battle going on somewhere in my bloodstream. In my mind, I picture them all brandishing tiny swords and attacking each other cinematically while bystanding red blood cells duck for cover. All of the viruses are horrifically deformed and evil-looking, rather like the orcs from The Lord of the Rings, and the white blood cells are heroically outnumbered. I'm not sure if there is anything vaguely realistic about this mental image, because despite taking AP biology, I know woefully little about anything. So if you have a bio test on the immune system and decide to put down my explanation for how viruses are combatted, don't yell at me in the unlikely but possible event that I'm wrong.

And just to put out a vaguely related Forrest Gump reference: "Do you have a cough due to cold?"

Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

Because I am the world's twenty-third most talented procrastinator (who should be doing her AP econ/AP Spanish/AP bio summer assignments instead of writing her second blog post in one day), and because I'm sure you're terribly jealous of my procrastinating abilities, I have kindly decided to write you a basic guide to putting off any and all important work so that you, too, may become an expert procrastinator. Next time you find yourself being strangely productive, just come back to this guide and remind yourself what you can do to keep yourself from your work.

So, without any further ado: Johanna's Guide to Distracted Laziness!

1. Stare blankly at work after having read two sentences.
2. Stare out window, if available. Watch a squirrel run in frantic circles around a tree.
3. Decide that you are hungry.
4. Get up and go on a search for food. Shuffle through the pantry/refrigerator before drawing the conclusion that there is nothing edible within a seven-mile radius of your workspace.
5. Go back to the computer. Reread the same two sentences from Step 1.
6. Check emails. Write unnecessarily long responses.
7. Text someone who is also likely to be bored.
8. Draw pictures of squirrels running around trees. Include speech or thought bubbles.
9. Draw pictures of squirrels with wings and beaver teeth.
10. Wander. Stop in front of the laundry machine and contemplate what would happen if you were to sit inside of it while it was running.
11. Decide that you are thirsty.
12. Find cold water and drink it overdramatically, as if you've spent days stranded in the desert.
13. Pause because Step 12 gave you a brain freeze.
14. Sing.
15. Surf distracting websites - YouTube, Facebook, whatever. You know the ones.
16. Sigh regretfully at the work that you have been ignoring for the last fifty-odd years.
17. Repeat the process.

You're welcome.