Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Disney Princess Face-Off

Disney princesses. Little girls want to be them, little boys think they're gross, and adults roll their eyes at them. People admire them, parody them, criticize them. But no one's asked that all-important question: what would happen if you were to put them in a room together and leave them to their own devices? (And yes, this is an all-important question. Don't contradict me. I don't want to hear it.)
Well, luckily for you, I know the answer. And I'm quite prepared to describe the entire scenario for you. For a fee of only one million dollars and fifty cents, plus my full college tuition.
...Okay, okay. Fine. I won't charge you so much. You can leave out the fifty cents.
Anyways. Allow me to present to you... What Would Happen If Various Disney Princesses Were Put In The Same Room And Left To Their Own Devices!

Princesses: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, the Little Mermaid

The Scene Unravels Thus: Almost immediately, a catfight begins because each princess claims to be the most beautiful person present. Snow White says that it must be her because her stepmother's talking mirror says so. Plus, she has seven guys who follow her around at all times, and if she dies, the forest animals come to look at her in her glass coffin. Shocked, Sleeping Beauty argues that she's the beautiful one because, duh, she has the word "Beauty" in her name. Cinderella gasps and bursts into tears because she knows she's only named after some ashes, but between sobs chokes out the words "I'm m-more beautiful than... than all of you c-combined-d-d because... my fairy godmother - she'll m-m-make me more beautiful! With magic!" The Little Mermaid trys to make a snide remark but then realizes that she has no voice. So instead she flops around making obscure hand signals and trying to brush her hair with a fork. Unfortunately, Sleeping Beauty can't handle the high-stress environment and deals with the problem by - surprise, surprise - going to sleep. As she drifts off, she mutters something about how her prince will save her. In unison, the other three princesses say, "Me too!" There is a brief pause as they all wonder whether they're all after the same prince. Chaos ensues as Cinderella and Snow White attack each other with assorted cooking and cleaning utensils while the Little Mermaid pokes Sleeping Beauty with her fork. Sleeping Beauty wakes up and screeches, "Why, you little sea witch!" She pulls out an extremely sharp spindle, but before she can use it, an elephant appears out of nowhere and squishes them all. The elephant wins.

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