Sunday, February 6, 2011

In which I complain extensively about the Super Bowl

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Hooray and so on. The entire country makes a massive fuss over this every year, although to this day I don't understand exactly why. In my opinion, real football is a sport played with a round ball, continuous play, and no helmets. In which the players actually use their feet. Seriously, how did football - or at least, the American variety thereof - come to be called football? It's not a sport for feet. We might as well say racquetball instead of golf. I mean, we don't say we're putting on socks when we're actually putting on gloves. So why is it football when feet are clearly not the most important aspect of the game? Also, as I've previously mentioned, this game lacks a continuous state of play. Football players stop every twenty seconds or so, and so, unfortunately, does the clock. If it says that the game will take forty-five more minutes, it's liable to last for three more hours. And for the duration of that indefinite amount of time, viewers all over the United States will eat. And eat and eat and eat. For the most part, it's junk food. Fried chips, fried chicken, fried pizza, fried fries - if it's spent at least an hour soaking in oil, it's being consumed during the Super Bowl. That and beer. Why a sporting event has become synonymous with splurging on junk food, I know not. It seems counterintuitive somehow. There people are, watching athletes physically attack one another (always fun, no?), and all the while they're planted on the sofa, inhaling the unhealthiest calories possible. It's like those escalators that are in front of some health clubs. And what else is synonymous with the Super Bowl? If you said "commercials," then you would be 105% correct. I know people who watch the Super Bowl solely for the commercials. Sports? Psh. Evidently it's much more fun to absorb masses of widely-televised advertisements. I guess I don't entirely blame these people for not wanting to watch football, but then again, I can think of a long list of things that sound more entertaining than total immersion in blatant materialism for hours on end. Well, whatever makes them happy, I guess.
I want the World Cup back.

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