This is a public service announcement. Sorta.

Read the following in a highly serious and dramatic tone:

Have you ever known someone who has been affected by a Chapstick addiction? Have you or a loved one fallen victim to this terrible affliction? If you find yourself constantly craving Chapstick due to dry, burning, or chapped lips, then YOU too may have this addiction. In fact, recent studies* have shown that the number of Chapstick addicts has risen by over 892% since 1720**. But there is hope! Call 867-5309 to receive information about your nearest Chapstick intervention and rehabilitation centers, or join your local Chapstick focus group. Remember, you can take action to save the lives - and lips - of your loved ones. Spread awareness today! This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by HBATOT.

*"Recent studies" meaning I thought of it and did not scientifically verify it. It counts, right?
**COUGHitotallymadethatupCOUGH

Note: I dedicate this post to some certain person for their concern regarding worldwide Chapstick addiction. You know who you are.